lions. and tigers. and a camel named titan.

our first trip to the metro toronto zoo. and clearly, judging if only by the absolute joy on marcus' face, not our last of the season.

a wonderful morning with more animals than we could be thankful for over bedtime prayers, including our new buddy titan the camel.

probably our best day together in a long time. i knew tonight that marcus and i had shared an amazing day filled with very cool memories. he missed his nap, and you wouldn't have known it with his day-long smile and positive behaviour.

hope you had an awesome day too. even if yours didn't include a ten foot tall camel named titan.

-kare

deux.

number two.
numero deux.
nombre ... we get it.
remember the time a few weeks ago when i asked for advice on number two on the potty? [for marcus fyi, i'm good thanks]. thank you SO.MUCH. to the people who took time to email me or ask around for tips and tricks.

last night marcus went to bed and i knew he had been working on something. he asked me for a diaper, and i politely told him no, we have a perfectly good potty and he should rock that out. he wasn't upset, which was the first sign i thought this could happen. he sat there, nothing happened, so he went to bed.

then an hour later this tiny voice is yelping from his bed 'i want to poop in the potty!' so he groggily wanders across the hall to his bathroom and plops down and goes! just like that. nbd. i obviously was so proud i started to tear up [loser mom alert] and promptly told him how happy i was that he had done it. he knew it as well. he was half asleep but still beaming ear to ear with his accomplishment. he couldn't believe how easy it was. clearly he didn't go back bed without first getting a weenew sticker on his hand.

half an hour later, the kid does it again.

he just blows my mind. so here are a few tips of my own that i've accumulated and used in the past couple of weeks:

1. don't push it. encourage it definitely, but in a positive way. if you upset the toddler in the process you are totally shooting yourself in your parental foot.
2. keep great books at the potty. like dr. suess and a toddler bible perhaps.
3. give the toddler squeezies after dinner and make clear mention of how awesome the potty is. squeezie = gets things moving and the comfort of knowing he'll have to go at home.
4. if they want your iphone to occupy their mind/fingers on the potty, give.it.up:

5. don't go nuts with rewards. do you really want to give the kid a chocolate bar every time their digestive system gets to work? we did a sticker last night. i'm sure that will last a few days and then it's old hat, awesome and zero expectations.
6. sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and stop giving in to diapers. not in a mean way. in a tough[er] love way.
7. if you have any shame, potty training is not your game.

thank you so much for helping us do this! i am super proud of marcus' latest accomplishment  - even if it was less than glamorous to clean up. [yipes].

-kare
xo

home is where the hot wheels are.

well, we turned an important page in starting this new chapter, and officially are settled into our new coordinates. i've been hard at work in the early and late hours in the day turning this beautiful, new-and-smells-like-it, perfectly cozy condo into our home.

it is far from finished [just like us] but i can tell that marcus feels really grounded here, and has already found a good sense of comfort in our new home. [ps. he calls it 'our new home'. it is cute] altho it isn't a 4 bdrm semi like we came from, it strangely feels like there is more living space for us both to enjoy - maybe it's the comfort of the carpet to play on or just smart use of space. either way, it is all kinds of awesome.

here are some of marcus' favourites:

the name train from italy. no really it was a gift from italy. love uncle brucie and aunty lynz.

i was a little apprehensive about setting up his play space in his bedroom, but he loves being able to access everything and hasn't [YET] sneaked out of bed to play.

a six foot tall castle doubles as a great hiding place to do some reading.

weekly picks for the reading nook.

organized chaos on one of his faves: the beloved car mat.

these little dinos actually fit together into a perfect 3d puz. they double as perfect decor. well, we think so.

and yes, as always, pants are optional.

i will totally post some of 'my' favourite touches later in the day - but wanted to share 'his' first.

can i also tell you how cool it is to have a laundry room that is on the same level as everything else? it's across from the kitchen and makes chores all-too-easy. i even have my own office! it's the only room that isn't totally unpacked and set up, but everything i need on the daily is accessible and the rest will come with time. as in, like, three days or so ;)

we have been so lucky [blessed actually] to have had some of our fave fam come up and help with the move, awesome support in finding a great place, friends who are as excited as we are for this new chapter, and a ton of other blessings that we don't ever take for granted.

it's just like all of the parts of this 'page turning' that i anticipated being the toughest are instead being laid out in front of us to just delight in and eat up and pay forward.

so we will.

have a great sunday and enjoy the sunshine ;)


-kare + marcus

crouching tiger sleeping toddler.

i'm about to unveil a secret. a big one.

you know those mothers who everyone loves to hate who are all 'oh my child sleeps through the night no big deal.' when the baby is still basically in utero? and their hair is blowdried and make up applied and somehow there are no bags under their eyes and they even have on mom jeggings and not the standard lulu lemon new-mom uniform?

[i was totally one of those moms]. truth times? i was a babywise mama.

[gasp.]

cue the axe throwing. cue the torches. cue the hate mail. but before you press 'post comment'. wait just a minute.

i was 23. and totally pregnant. and it was totally not in the plan. i worked for an incredible mother of two who has it all and then some, including well-adjusted, independant-and-they-know-it, wonderful and respectful little boys. so i asked her for her secret. i had already figured out how to be knocked up and keep things fairly fabulous. but i had only ever held a baby once. one.single.time. at my god-daughter's baptism. for a photo. then passed her back promptly because i was so scared of her crying. with love.

so my fabulous boss casually says 'oh. there is a book. i'll lend it to you.'

the book changed my life. it really contributed to the unique way we raised marcus, alongside enough other parenting books to start either a library or earn me a masters in motherhood 101. i didn't follow it to an organic tee; i used the foundational elements of the theories to shape my own style of parenting.

i breastfed the kid like a champ. and he was a tank so it was not easy to keep him full. i supported him, loved him, and shaped the security and stability in our routine that quickly led to an incredible level of trust and respect in each other. he started sleeping 12-13 hour stretches at 7 weeks and 1 day old. but that was more of a bonus than the best part. i went on to read toddlerwise and pottywise too. and my son has had less than a handful of 'terrible two' tantrums, and woke up one morning at two years and five months and decided on.his.own.without.any.push.or.ridiculous.pressure. that he would start wearing underwear instead of diapers.

to this day, when marcus takes the lead and shows me every angle of the miniature man he has become, i think of that series of books.

and on a side note, the kid sleeps like a hibernating bear. a solid 11 hours at night. and a solid 2 hours during the day. try to wake him? this happens:

so don't judge a book by it's hate mail/hate blog groups/misinterpretations.

and if you do leave me hateful comments, i'll happily respond to them while my toddler is sound asleep.

hate on haters. or, if you want to borrow one of those books, just ask.

-kare

happy fam jam.

today was family day. an actual holiday to remind us of how much we have to love and appreciate about each other. and not only did we get to spend it with cousins, [some] parents, siblings and friends, but we also got to spend a lot of q.t. together.

just me and my marcus:

things we did this weekend:

1. my dad [aka. bmoc aka mega don] and di came to visit! so did my sister laura! and tyler! and grady!
2. saturday morning soccer with little kickers football club [LK FC]
3. we moved [! more details to come. get your jaw off the ground. it happened fast and we are freaking happy about it].
4. we went to harveys [don't panic. after the move it was well deserved plus we got about 47 pickles on the side wrapped up like a separate entity aka meal. awesome.]
5. we had our new condo painted. a beautiful awesome gray shade. grey or gray? grey? gray? the paint sample said grey. it wins.
6. i ran.
7. marcus had his first sleep in his new room [which has a six foot tall caste in it. no biggie.]
8. mommy had her first sleep on a pile of mattresses because my goodness i am busy and by busy i mean fearful of the ikea bed in a box that lays next to the mattresses.
9. we had a fancy breakfast with grandpa and gran di at their hotel and marcus behaved like a champion breed of toddler. is that rude? it's supposed to be funny. not rude. basically i'm saying he didn't break anything, he didn't need a high chair, he ate like an unfed horse [seriously i do feed him often and healthy eats], and didn't scream out any nightmarish squeals that would have put one of the oldies next to us into cardiac arrest.
10. we went to wal mart.
11. we went to ikea.
12. we came home and i found out that marcus is nowhere.close.nowhere.not.even.a.little.bit.like.a. serious.longshot.away.from. being a cool cucumber without his afternoon nap. the child loves him a good nap. who can blame him. so when i brought him home to unviel our new GREY walls at 4:30 he was in a coma. an ikea 75 cent hot dog coma.
13. don't judge our diet we had a lot going on. everything in moderation or in the case of an ikea hotdog, twice annually?
14. we slept in on family day. what a treat. what a wonderful little handsome and well behaved son i have.
15. 'someone' turned my neat piles of ikea dresser tools and screws and goodness into a 'construction site' for their 'tonka dumptruck [thank you kara pratt]' and now my dresser has one drawer left out because the tonka must have dumped one of the dresser drawer rails in a mystery zone. that's funny huh.
16. we walked around our new hood and staked our territory and put organic cotton tea towels in our back pockets instead of bandanas so that the winston churchill suburban gangs would know where to find the organic homemade oat crust mini pizzas and butternut squash pancakes.
17. we went to the library.
18. we went to chapters and got a book called 'dinosaurs divorce' for kids life lessons. i think i am onto something here.
19. i ran again. i kicked my measly 5k's butt today! and it felt good! and i think i might end up liking running! squee! cue the skip it and me running up the stairs like rocky. [it's rocky right?]
20. i watched moneyball. what an awesome movie. did your version come with heart stickers on it? mine did. that's weird. great movie. definitely watch it whether you're interested in sports, business, brad pitt, baseball or all of the above.

this short list is about 10% of what we accomplished this weekend. i can't wait to go to a hot yoga class tomorrow and celebrate my longest run to date and dedicate all of the energy and love i can muster up to the people who commented on my discouraged running blog post a few days ago. mom, alicia, andrea, erin e, erin w, alicia, crystal, jilly, yen: thanks ladies. i had a great run today and will totally hope to send you the best energy i can tomorrow in return. xo

happy fam day. whether yours is near or far, i hope you soaked it in and enjoyed the extra day to love big this weekend.

-kare

30 days to this:

inspiration.

i don't know how to sum the past 30 days up. instead i think this post might be a total stream of consciousness that might make very little sense to you but it's kind of [politely] about me tonight.

i dreaded tonight for the past week. the teachers kept saying how hard it would be to get into class during the last week. that you might have to drag yourself. are you kidding me? classes and days have been flying by so fast i felt like last night, i wanted to stay and do another class because it went by too quickly and i wasn't ready for it to end. my downward dog feels like heaven right now. my lower back feels like someone swapped it out while i was sleeping one night between night terrors and molars coming in. it feels longer.

it feels like i am more aware than ever of my body and what i have been using it for. that i actually was carrying a lot of insecurity and secrets in my hips. not just chips either. on day 11 i felt as though i opened up and like thousands of pounds of pressure lifted out of my hips and i wanted to scream out every secret that you don't know. instead i just let tears come down my face and wondered if when they meet the sweat that was also beading down my face, aren't they really both in the same anyways?
i was carrying a lot of sadness and maybe even anger in my chest. it took more than one class to shake that off. but i did. i was open to everything this experience offered me and i have found space in my body in the places i had totally closed off.


and how these 30 days have allowed me to detoxify from the inside out.

detoxify. let go of what you do not need.

on day 16 i did a specific class where the lesson was based on 'all that you have is all that you will ever need'. the idea of being enough. it took me at least 60 minutes of silence and intention for thirty days straight to get to a place that is not about ego. but that is about being enough.

i am definitely enough.

i am totally, definitely, absolutely enough.


and not for anyone except myself.

if you get the idea that this journey has allowed me to really heal and take a huge leap forward towards becoming the best version of myself in a new chapter of my life as a women, mother, friend, sister, daughter, sales rep, cooking, cleaning, single-parenting, blogging, loving, appreciating, fulfilled and this is just scratching the surface person.

you are right.

this was the first [physical and general] goal i set for myself after we filed for divorce.

it was a big deal. and i had so many excuses not to show up, and no reason not to show up. and i totally showed up. i did 32 hot yoga classes in 30 days.

i feel so proud of myself for being so open to exploring so much of MYSELF in these thirty days.

i feel so ready to take on this new chapter. i feel settled. i feel grounded. i feel happy. i feel ready.

i feel like marcus and i are so freaking lucky to have one another. and that in the past few years, my faith was challenged. i was challenged. we were challenged. but in the past few months, i have realized that maybe the man upstairs was waiting until i was truly paying attention to that message in proverbs 34:7. because i have never been so appreciative and grateful and humbled by the people around me and the way that life is unfolding. and i have never felt so blessed.

my next goal is my upcoming half marathon which i'll start training for thursday.

but tomorrow night i am wining and dining and [as a 30-dayer might say] totally shining.

seriously. i didn't even read this while i wrote it and i'm not going to edit it. just post it. because i'm kind of fine with every imperfection up there and just want this to be exactly what it is.

ps. if you wrote me a message/email/comment/mention about my 30 day journey, your support meant a lot to me. each person who did take time to support me, i dedicated at least one class to you during these past 30 days. whether i dedicated my positivity, strength, energy, balance, or ability to be grounded and open, i dedicated at least one class to each of the closest people in my life, and the amazing friends/fam/acquaintances who reached out to support this journey. thank you from the entirety of my heart. it has never felt so filled with love and so open and you have a lot to do with that.

-kare

a follow-up note to my 5 followers, and you:

i have 5 followers on this blog. 2 are my sisters, 3 are friends and all are awesome. i love writing for myself, and for each of those 5 people. i'm going to make a few changes on here in the near-ish future like email notifications for new posts and some funky categories so if you do read it regularly - consider becoming a follower. it's not a cult. i don't wear floor length denim skirts and you aren't taking any weird oath by doing it. promise.

anyways. lately [esp after my post days ago about the new shape of our family] i have been floored by the comments and feedback coming in. i am blown away that even 5 people take time to read this. i know how busy life is [understatement of the year.] and how valuable your time is and it just lights me up inside that you would read this. let alone like, write me an email, share me on facebook [okay, that does sound like a cult.], like it, comment on it, whatever. it's just unreal. i have tried to write back to each and every private comment, message etc and if i haven't yet, i certainly will.

i am beyond humbled by each of the messages i have gotten in the past few days. my heart is also really heavy for a handful of single mom's who reached out to let me in on their personal stories. i'm totally reminded of how lucky marcus, james and i are, and more importantly, really inspired to continue to share our own successes and challenges in hopes that it will continue to have a positive impact on any or all of those women who reached out to me.

i have always felt as though - esp since meeting marcus and then this recent turn of the page - i just have so much love to share. and all of the love you've shown me through the feedback and comments - i will totally find a way to pay it all forward. i'm so excited to grow towards the best version of myself and to find new places to share all that love as time passes, and windows open.
thank you so much for the support, the kind words, the compliments ... just thank you.

love,
kare and marcus.

saga of a single mom.

the cat is out of the bag. but the blog name isn't changing :)
in case you didn't pick up on the subtleties in earlier posts: the mention of the new role i have taken on recently, the whispers through my posts about 'changes' and james 'coming over' and other hints that i have made while keeping absolute respect for my family.

we have received an overwhelming amount of support from our families and friends and can't tell you enough how lucky all three of us are to be able to make such an important change in our life and be able to do it in a way that is really positive. we are only able to do this 'so well' because of the support we have around us and i certainly don't take it for granted.

we are doing awesome. i am really excited to have started a new chapter as a woman, and as a parent. this transition is a game changer in my life and i have chosen to grab it by the ... soccer balls? it would be so easy to be 'negative' during a change like this, but it is a much more exciting test of character to continue to keep your faith and focus on the positive. so here it is. ten things i want to share about myself since becoming a single mom:

1. i thought i was a pretty productive woman/mom before. now i think i'm partially insane and on crack. i've never been so productive in my life. whether i have to do banking/dry cleaning/grocery shopping/yoga/work functions/dinner/oh-my-god-he-peed-on-the-white-fur-carpet-cleaning/whatever.
2. i work smarter/harder. at everything. i feel like my father set the bar very high and now that i'm doing the solo parenting, i only want to be a better vitamin-selling-protein-sampling-singing-dancing-yogaing-reading-mom/woman/friend/daughter/sister/person. because marcus sees so much of me now that i feel like i need to put a lot of thought towards the impact i have. not just on him but on everyone i'm around.

my dad set the bar high on single parenting. except for these haircuts.

3. my laundry per week is down like 75%. just being honest. so i have a few hours of my life back each weekend to do other cleaning or work!
4. i am setting more goals for myself and marcus than ever. and going after them. and i'm going to accomplish them. all of them. [evil laugh]. i truly have a new lease on life.
5. speaking of lease, we are moving. marcus and i are on the hunt for new digs. preferably that has big old stone-brick and a black roof. a girl can dream right?

i drove by this townhouse yesterday and decided it is my single mom dream casa. 

6. i almost brought home a puppy. then i gave my head a shake. my father would be happy to hear this. [about the head shake. not the puppy]
7. i stopped drinking coffee. i don't know why. i just did and i feel great about it.
8. i'm training for my first half marathon. and doing 30 days to inspiration at my yoga studio. and loving it.
9. i haven't eaten a single chip in two weeks. [seriously. if you know me well, get your jaw off the ground] but i can't promise you i won't be having some this weekend.
10.  i'm super excited to be blogging more these days. it totally benefits my blog that sometimes i have no one to talk to except a two 1/2 year old. altho we do have some wicked convos over here.

marcus is a very lucky little boy. he has two parents who love him more than anything in this world, and most importantly, he knows it. he has also been better behaved than ever [at least during my 6 days a week :)] and i am blown away as usual by how smart he is and his really well thought out questions about these changes and just how awesome he is in general. we are so lucky.

so if you took time to reach out to any of the 3 of us recently to see if we are okay, offer your support, just say you are a phone call/5 hour drive/flight away: thank you. we totally love you. and we are totally more than okay.

-kare