30 days to this:

inspiration.

i don't know how to sum the past 30 days up. instead i think this post might be a total stream of consciousness that might make very little sense to you but it's kind of [politely] about me tonight.

i dreaded tonight for the past week. the teachers kept saying how hard it would be to get into class during the last week. that you might have to drag yourself. are you kidding me? classes and days have been flying by so fast i felt like last night, i wanted to stay and do another class because it went by too quickly and i wasn't ready for it to end. my downward dog feels like heaven right now. my lower back feels like someone swapped it out while i was sleeping one night between night terrors and molars coming in. it feels longer.

it feels like i am more aware than ever of my body and what i have been using it for. that i actually was carrying a lot of insecurity and secrets in my hips. not just chips either. on day 11 i felt as though i opened up and like thousands of pounds of pressure lifted out of my hips and i wanted to scream out every secret that you don't know. instead i just let tears come down my face and wondered if when they meet the sweat that was also beading down my face, aren't they really both in the same anyways?
i was carrying a lot of sadness and maybe even anger in my chest. it took more than one class to shake that off. but i did. i was open to everything this experience offered me and i have found space in my body in the places i had totally closed off.


and how these 30 days have allowed me to detoxify from the inside out.

detoxify. let go of what you do not need.

on day 16 i did a specific class where the lesson was based on 'all that you have is all that you will ever need'. the idea of being enough. it took me at least 60 minutes of silence and intention for thirty days straight to get to a place that is not about ego. but that is about being enough.

i am definitely enough.

i am totally, definitely, absolutely enough.


and not for anyone except myself.

if you get the idea that this journey has allowed me to really heal and take a huge leap forward towards becoming the best version of myself in a new chapter of my life as a women, mother, friend, sister, daughter, sales rep, cooking, cleaning, single-parenting, blogging, loving, appreciating, fulfilled and this is just scratching the surface person.

you are right.

this was the first [physical and general] goal i set for myself after we filed for divorce.

it was a big deal. and i had so many excuses not to show up, and no reason not to show up. and i totally showed up. i did 32 hot yoga classes in 30 days.

i feel so proud of myself for being so open to exploring so much of MYSELF in these thirty days.

i feel so ready to take on this new chapter. i feel settled. i feel grounded. i feel happy. i feel ready.

i feel like marcus and i are so freaking lucky to have one another. and that in the past few years, my faith was challenged. i was challenged. we were challenged. but in the past few months, i have realized that maybe the man upstairs was waiting until i was truly paying attention to that message in proverbs 34:7. because i have never been so appreciative and grateful and humbled by the people around me and the way that life is unfolding. and i have never felt so blessed.

my next goal is my upcoming half marathon which i'll start training for thursday.

but tomorrow night i am wining and dining and [as a 30-dayer might say] totally shining.

seriously. i didn't even read this while i wrote it and i'm not going to edit it. just post it. because i'm kind of fine with every imperfection up there and just want this to be exactly what it is.

ps. if you wrote me a message/email/comment/mention about my 30 day journey, your support meant a lot to me. each person who did take time to support me, i dedicated at least one class to you during these past 30 days. whether i dedicated my positivity, strength, energy, balance, or ability to be grounded and open, i dedicated at least one class to each of the closest people in my life, and the amazing friends/fam/acquaintances who reached out to support this journey. thank you from the entirety of my heart. it has never felt so filled with love and so open and you have a lot to do with that.

-kare