30 days to this:

inspiration.

i don't know how to sum the past 30 days up. instead i think this post might be a total stream of consciousness that might make very little sense to you but it's kind of [politely] about me tonight.

i dreaded tonight for the past week. the teachers kept saying how hard it would be to get into class during the last week. that you might have to drag yourself. are you kidding me? classes and days have been flying by so fast i felt like last night, i wanted to stay and do another class because it went by too quickly and i wasn't ready for it to end. my downward dog feels like heaven right now. my lower back feels like someone swapped it out while i was sleeping one night between night terrors and molars coming in. it feels longer.

it feels like i am more aware than ever of my body and what i have been using it for. that i actually was carrying a lot of insecurity and secrets in my hips. not just chips either. on day 11 i felt as though i opened up and like thousands of pounds of pressure lifted out of my hips and i wanted to scream out every secret that you don't know. instead i just let tears come down my face and wondered if when they meet the sweat that was also beading down my face, aren't they really both in the same anyways?
i was carrying a lot of sadness and maybe even anger in my chest. it took more than one class to shake that off. but i did. i was open to everything this experience offered me and i have found space in my body in the places i had totally closed off.


and how these 30 days have allowed me to detoxify from the inside out.

detoxify. let go of what you do not need.

on day 16 i did a specific class where the lesson was based on 'all that you have is all that you will ever need'. the idea of being enough. it took me at least 60 minutes of silence and intention for thirty days straight to get to a place that is not about ego. but that is about being enough.

i am definitely enough.

i am totally, definitely, absolutely enough.


and not for anyone except myself.

if you get the idea that this journey has allowed me to really heal and take a huge leap forward towards becoming the best version of myself in a new chapter of my life as a women, mother, friend, sister, daughter, sales rep, cooking, cleaning, single-parenting, blogging, loving, appreciating, fulfilled and this is just scratching the surface person.

you are right.

this was the first [physical and general] goal i set for myself after we filed for divorce.

it was a big deal. and i had so many excuses not to show up, and no reason not to show up. and i totally showed up. i did 32 hot yoga classes in 30 days.

i feel so proud of myself for being so open to exploring so much of MYSELF in these thirty days.

i feel so ready to take on this new chapter. i feel settled. i feel grounded. i feel happy. i feel ready.

i feel like marcus and i are so freaking lucky to have one another. and that in the past few years, my faith was challenged. i was challenged. we were challenged. but in the past few months, i have realized that maybe the man upstairs was waiting until i was truly paying attention to that message in proverbs 34:7. because i have never been so appreciative and grateful and humbled by the people around me and the way that life is unfolding. and i have never felt so blessed.

my next goal is my upcoming half marathon which i'll start training for thursday.

but tomorrow night i am wining and dining and [as a 30-dayer might say] totally shining.

seriously. i didn't even read this while i wrote it and i'm not going to edit it. just post it. because i'm kind of fine with every imperfection up there and just want this to be exactly what it is.

ps. if you wrote me a message/email/comment/mention about my 30 day journey, your support meant a lot to me. each person who did take time to support me, i dedicated at least one class to you during these past 30 days. whether i dedicated my positivity, strength, energy, balance, or ability to be grounded and open, i dedicated at least one class to each of the closest people in my life, and the amazing friends/fam/acquaintances who reached out to support this journey. thank you from the entirety of my heart. it has never felt so filled with love and so open and you have a lot to do with that.

-kare

i just died laughing.

it is day 23 of my 30 day challenge. i am almost here:

thanks deb ;)

seriously. i just died laughing.

19 days and counting.

regardes s'il vu plait:

please refer to the line that reads: K. TALLMAN and every single of those 19 check marks.

[please also note the cute little J.S. <3 earlier this week marking the arrival and dedication of my new, incredible, perfect and loved nephew: james cameron smith. more on him later.]

i.have.not.missed.a.day. i.am.officially.reshaping.the.coconut.water.marketplace.
my.legs.hate.me.but.my.heart.is.totally.on.a.high.

i bottomed out this week. like clock work: on sunday, diana mentioned that between days 18 and 22 we would hit our own yogi version of rock bottom. on day 16 i was laughing thinking about it. no way man. on day 17 i almost threw up on my mat. hey, hot guy on the mat next to me: attractive right? on day 18 my legs shook so badly i could.not.even make it through one round of warrior two. what the what. i was so proud to make it through the class yesterday. it was tough and i almost did not make it. [slightly dramatic.you love it.]

et voila. day 19. i floated through my class today like a siamese yogi cat. i felt so much length. so much flexibility and also strength. i used up all the space i could and felt so genuinely energized. i could have done the class 4 more times over. i namaste-d my way outta there and laughed my stronger-than-ever-like-seriously-are-we-sure-that-girl-has-the-genes-for-that-booty butt off.

what is that about? i have no idea. i literally could hardly physically stand after the 6 pm class last night. and this morning was energized and ready to downward dog my way to dallas.

i don't get it. but i definitely bottomed out this week. and i'm definitely back on top today. so i'll take it and be ready to laugh in the face of whatever comes at me from days 20-30.

-kare

30 days to inspiration.

on january 9th, i walked into my hot yoga studio [inspire yoga] and noticed that they were starting a 30 days to inspiration challenge that day. i had already bought a 5-class card and figured with everything going on at home there was no way i could commit to hot yoga every single day for 30 days straight. that's crazy.

4 days later, i had gone every single day and decided to upgrade my 5-class card for the 30 days to inspiration. i love hot yoga. i have really come to appreciate inspire yoga - each teacher has something different to offer and i feel so lucky to connect with each of them. but to be honest, i have no idea why i initially signed up for the challenge. signing divorce papers, transitionning to my awesome new role as a single parent, continuing to stay focused on work. there was a lot going on that week. and every single practice was bringing me so much fulfillment, i couldn't stop going.

physically: it felt unreal to get back to investing in my own health and wellness.
mentally: have you ever commited to silent meditation for at least one solid, uninterrupted hour a day for 30 days? talk about a changing experience. it all comes out on the mat. that solid silence can bring out emotions that you have been holding in. it can open you up and help you to release tension and all that comes with that. it can also bring such honest happiness to be 'enough' to sit in silence and appreciate yourself. every day. there have been a number of classes that ended in tears [which i totally did not anticipate signing up for this gig]. but more classes that have ended in honest happiness and a huge smile on my face. i know i walked into the yoga studio myself on january 9th, but i truly feel like this 30 days to inspiration challenge found me at the perfect time.

there have been some really important lessons that i'll share in upcoming posts. and i feel like i'm more open than ever to the daily lessons and in terms of personal development and growing towards the absolute most fulfilled and awesome version of myself, these first 17 days have allowed me to heal. love. laugh. be honest. be happy. smile without necessary reason. be open. be enough. [it had been awhile since the last one].

after the first class, i went home with this little slip of paper where we were supposed to set our intention for our 30 day challenge:

i haven't filled out a single line.

i think about it every day.
i think in every space it would make sense to write 'myself'. so i might do that. i'll keep you posted.

i am so sad that it's already the end of day 17. but i also am so excited to see where the next 13 days will take me. i can't even imagine. i am already so grateful for this short journey.

my downward dog has never felt better. my legs are strong. and my heart is stronger & more open than ever.

-kare