because i can't believe i have a three year old. and every year. on august 21 and august 22 specifically, i'm totally taken back to the incredible day we met.
i'm not taken back to two failed epi's. i'm not taken back to the shot of morphine in my left butt. i'm not taken back to the part where i literally called it quits and told them to get ready for a c and the doctor literally laughed in my face and passed me my son.
i'm taken back to when he looked at me and opened my heart up to love in a way i simply didn't know before. i'm taken back to his beady dark brown eyes looking at me and knowing we knew each other all along as we both sighed a sigh of relief. well, his might have been a sigh of newb gas but whateves.
i'm taken back to that nursery at night, and the way he perfectly fit into my left nook. i'm taken back to how strong he was. holding his own neck and head up when he was literally. days. old. i'm taken back to stopping for a ceaser and a steak for lunch at the keg less than 18 hours after i delivered him on our way home.
meeting my son changed my life. and my priorities. and most importantly. my heart. because of meeting my son, i love so much bigger than i ever had before. and not just him. my heart is more open + more full than ever. meeting him made me re-evaluate the people i surrounded us with + the everyday choices i made + the impact i have on the people in my life [namely him] everyday. from organic butternut squash pancakes to bike rides + hot wheels, my life is filled with great laughter + health + love, hugely because of said three year old.
with so many of my friends trucking through their second pregnancies, i can admit it reminds me of what i haven't been able to give my son yet. not a sibling so much as a strong foundation + family dynamic. an example of loving 'parents' in a home together. which might step on toes but it's honest. and i know that after enduring this awesome year of change + challenge and immense blessings, we will continue to be blessed in greater ways as a fam as we come to deserve it. and in the meantime, i'll keep giving him everything i can - i.e. the organic butternut squash pancakes, the bike rides + oh, say, absolute unconditional love. and as eryn put it, our fam dynamic right now might not be traditional - but it is certainly functional + marcus has two parents who love him very.very.much. + most importantly? he knows it.
tomorrow there will be candles on his pancakes. and a few presents. and maybe after bedtime a glass of wine and a few tears of pride. because three years in - this kid has brought more joy to my heart + life than i ever could have imagined.
plus he got in the car after school and told me he has his first girlfriend and he loves her and they kissed. this came a few days after he said he needs new lightning mcqueen fancy pants because his balls are growing big and strong. and after hearing that, it's apparent that i might need more wine from here on out.
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| peace out terrible two's. onwards and upwards. |
the next time you hear from me, i'll be the proud mother of a three year old little boy.
and while i'm not sure where the time has gone, i know where my heart is + i know we are ready to take on everything that year three has to offer.
sigh. even his balls that apparently are growing big and strong.
catch you on the other side, terrible two's.
-kare
xo
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