waving the organic white flag of motherhood.

11:15 am. i am physically removing my two year and six month old from sunday morning stay and play session.

because he screamed in my face. then he punched me repeatedly in the face when i told him calmly in my best quiet and stern voice that little boys who yell in their mother's face, do not get to stay and play. and as the tears rolled off his hot cheeks and onto the community centre floor, i felt my own cheeks go flush. i already feel like most days at places like this the cards are stacked against me when it comes to how the other parents see me. i am easily almost always the youngest mom in the room/community center/library/organic grocery aisle/park/whatever. there is no ring on the tell tale finger. and even though i'd say i have one hell of a backbone, especially after the past six months of this life, i'm still human. those tears from earlier that fell off my son's cheeks and onto the community centre floor? now that he's peacefully sleeping, they may or may not have found their way onto my own cheeks. like i said, i'm still human.

thank god for deb, who in the depths of overtired toddler hell looked through the glass door at stay and play and mouthed: i'm sorry. because i totally know that she felt me on this one. and i totally know she meant it.

rewind: he woke up extra early, and certainly on the wrong side of the bed. his tone with me was off from the get-go. it horrifies me to think that there are some toddlers out there in the burbs who i read about, who live up to the 'terrible two's' every.single.day. we average a handful of challenging days a month - which i'd chalk up to a devilish combo of short sleep, too much sugar, and a side of extra saucey. by 8 am i was looking forward to getting us both out of the house. we got rained out of our barnyard playdate and headed out to stay and play. the opening paragraph should give you a good idea of how that went.

from there we did a quick grocery shop. he cried through the entire thing. he broke out in hives. i threw in the organic white flag, and had no choice but to start laughing. i even managed to get a photo of the hives:

can you even see those? on his forehead? i guess they don't photograph too well ;)

we got home. we made homemade pizza for lunch. i looked around. it looked like a bomb had gone off in this place. and it totally didn't matter. it was only noon. and i looked at the clock & tensed up when i realized i still had to do my distance run later in the day. like, 16 km. have you ever spent the morning with a toddler full of tantrum? it.is.exhausting. oh wait. did i mention he pooped his pants FIVE[as in,5.FIVE.] times today? awesomesauce.

so i took g-ma tallman's advice today. sleep when the baby is sleeping. because by baby, i'm sure she really meant small child right? side note: lying in his tiny toddler bed together, lights out. i hear this tiny whisper "swag. swag. swag. on you. we eating fondu." yes. he was whispering the new justin bieber in my ear pre-nap. yes. that moment erased the hellish morning and brought me back to my heart and how even after a tough morning, it is overflowing with love for that little boy.

so sleep we did. for two solid hours.

and when we woke up we had both been reset. he had chilled out and was back to his non-nightmare self. i was rested + ready to take on anything the kid could throw at me + 16km if it killed me [more on that later].

marcus is such a smart and great little boy. i just have so far to go and grow as a mother and a woman. days like today, when i'm literally counting down the minutes to nap and hanging white organic tea towels off of the condo balcony as a desperate call for single mama help, i challenge myself not to take the easy out. i challenge myself to find the positive and learn from the experience of being punched in the face repeatedly by a two year and six month old in front of a roomful of eyes that are piercing straight through that strong single mom backbone into a wide open but fragile heart.

even if for tonight, what i learned from THAT, was that it's totally appropriate to finish the day, run 16km, put your beautiful kid to bed, finish laundry, shower, pack the school bag for monday morning, write a blog post, and POUR A GLASS OF ORGANIC RED WINE.

-kare
xo

FINE. hot yoga -1. running-1.

TIE GAME?
seriously.

i never thought i would say this.

[i. really. like. running.]

okay. true times: i don't think i could love anything as much as i love the hot yoga yoges. but i am getting further along into my 'training' [that's still funny to say because i never thought i would be training for anything like this], and i am kind of loving every bit of progress and the high after the run. although to be totes honest someone was smoking something nearby while i did my weekly distance run today and i think i coulda been high off more than the run. yikes.

anyways. back the point. as time goes on and i'm setting new goals and working towards upcoming goals like this half-marathon, i am not limiting my dreams at all, and i am living in each moment as i work towards this race.

i was so inspired by erin's journey and decided i too would start dedicating my runs and implementing as many amazing elements of my inner-yogi into my running practice:

when the mind is busy, focus on the breathe.
set an intention before each practice.
consider dedicating your practice.
really feel where your body is at this exact moment, and nourish it.
be open. to yourself. to others. to love. to challenge. to new boundaries. to growth. just be open.
consider your contribution. [this is something i am thinking about constantly. what contribution am i making today? how can i have a positive impact on the connections i make and challenge/inspire others while soaking in the same in return? i would totally encourage you to take on this mindset for a single day and see the growth you feel.]

these elements are making running practice so much more fulfilling. so much more exhilarating.

last week, i ran my first ten k. ten k. almost halfway to the 22 mark. i usually do some variation of the running room's 'walk one. run ten.' rhthym. but to be honest i kind of listen to my body and breath and freestyle what feels good. so last week i was thrilled with the distance, and stopped to walk a few times.

today, i chugged a perfect shaker full of vege greens thirty minutes before my weekly distance run as per the recco of di. okay. i don't know what to say but i'm laughing and i haven't even typed anything yet.

i felt like something out of an snl skit. i felt like forrest gump actually. i started running and ps. we had a severe wind storm warning this weekend so fyi that wind in my face the entire time? brrr. but i felt so light. i had planned a decent route that would [fingers crossed] take me on my furthest venture yet. and i just ran the you.know.what. out of it. the best part?

i finished my route. got home. felt like running more. turned around. did another couple of k. nbg.

the other best part?

i. did. not. stop. to. walk. a. single. time.

i ran 12k. with a freaking cold wind in my face. without stopping a single time. i could have done up to at least 14 if James hadn't called because they were already back and i didn't think in a mill i'd run that far or long. so i had to run my buns home.

also: if you think 12k is nothing, i'm totally fine with it. it's a long run for someone who just started running a few weeks ago and previously only ran if a dog was chasing her.

so i will continue my training. and also continue my hot and heavy love affair with hot yoga.

but - miraculous as it may be - we have a tie game people.

-kare

ps. just want to send some extra sweet energy + love to all of the awesome friends + fam who have been supporting me on email/fb/text/call/in real life [WHAT? REAL LIFE!?] by sending their training tips and advice and just 'liking' all my posts about running. i get all 'aw no way' every single time someone even likes my stuff - so the feedback and support is beyond awesome. thank you.
pps. a very cute photo of marcus this morning. because - well - why not?