because he screamed in my face. then he punched me repeatedly in the face when i told him calmly in my best quiet and stern voice that little boys who yell in their mother's face, do not get to stay and play. and as the tears rolled off his hot cheeks and onto the community centre floor, i felt my own cheeks go flush. i already feel like most days at places like this the cards are stacked against me when it comes to how the other parents see me. i am easily almost always the youngest mom in the room/community center/library/organic grocery aisle/park/whatever. there is no ring on the tell tale finger. and even though i'd say i have one hell of a backbone, especially after the past six months of this life, i'm still human. those tears from earlier that fell off my son's cheeks and onto the community centre floor? now that he's peacefully sleeping, they may or may not have found their way onto my own cheeks. like i said, i'm still human.
thank god for deb, who in the depths of overtired toddler hell looked through the glass door at stay and play and mouthed: i'm sorry. because i totally know that she felt me on this one. and i totally know she meant it.
rewind: he woke up extra early, and certainly on the wrong side of the bed. his tone with me was off from the get-go. it horrifies me to think that there are some toddlers out there in the burbs who i read about, who live up to the 'terrible two's' every.single.day. we average a handful of challenging days a month - which i'd chalk up to a devilish combo of short sleep, too much sugar, and a side of extra saucey. by 8 am i was looking forward to getting us both out of the house. we got rained out of our barnyard playdate and headed out to stay and play. the opening paragraph should give you a good idea of how that went.
from there we did a quick grocery shop. he cried through the entire thing. he broke out in hives. i threw in the organic white flag, and had no choice but to start laughing. i even managed to get a photo of the hives:
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| can you even see those? on his forehead? i guess they don't photograph too well ;) |
we got home. we made homemade pizza for lunch. i looked around. it looked like a bomb had gone off in this place. and it totally didn't matter. it was only noon. and i looked at the clock & tensed up when i realized i still had to do my distance run later in the day. like, 16 km. have you ever spent the morning with a toddler full of tantrum? it.is.exhausting. oh wait. did i mention he pooped his pants FIVE[as in,5.FIVE.] times today? awesomesauce.
so i took g-ma tallman's advice today. sleep when the baby is sleeping. because by baby, i'm sure she really meant small child right? side note: lying in his tiny toddler bed together, lights out. i hear this tiny whisper "swag. swag. swag. on you. we eating fondu." yes. he was whispering the new justin bieber in my ear pre-nap. yes. that moment erased the hellish morning and brought me back to my heart and how even after a tough morning, it is overflowing with love for that little boy.
so sleep we did. for two solid hours.
and when we woke up we had both been reset. he had chilled out and was back to his non-nightmare self. i was rested + ready to take on anything the kid could throw at me + 16km if it killed me [more on that later].
marcus is such a smart and great little boy. i just have so far to go and grow as a mother and a woman. days like today, when i'm literally counting down the minutes to nap and hanging white organic tea towels off of the condo balcony as a desperate call for single mama help, i challenge myself not to take the easy out. i challenge myself to find the positive and learn from the experience of being punched in the face repeatedly by a two year and six month old in front of a roomful of eyes that are piercing straight through that strong single mom backbone into a wide open but fragile heart.
even if for tonight, what i learned from THAT, was that it's totally appropriate to finish the day, run 16km, put your beautiful kid to bed, finish laundry, shower, pack the school bag for monday morning, write a blog post, and POUR A GLASS OF ORGANIC RED WINE.
-kare
xo
