karma. aka the day that almost won.

it's easy to be happy + positive + sunshine + lollipops when the world is rotating in your favor + things are going above average in every aspect poss + you're all 'whoa is me in this lucky lovely life.

it's much less easy to be happy when you have a bit of a tough work week. or you get pushed in the mall food court + your lunch falls all over the floor loud enough that everyone looks at you like a scene out of napoleon dynamite. or you find out that someone has gone out of their way to disrespect you + laugh at your expense. or some very random man walks by you at 10:15am in bramalea city centre and tells you THAT YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN as you are about to confidently breeze into your second meeting of the day. all of those things? happened. TODAY.

[this is the part where i give you a minute to replay all of that and have a short giggle espesh when you consider the look on my face as that man told me that i look like a man]

i spent months during and after my divorce working on my ego. so entirely grateful that i joined that thirty days to inspiration challenge at my hot yoga studio. that journey helped me to grow. no seriously tho. i grew like 3/4 of a inch thanks to finding new length through my spine. i grew an openess in my heart that had never existed [yet]. i grew a backbone thanks to also growing to a place where i authentically believe that all that i am as a person is all that i need, and trusting that if i continue to nurture my own growth and push my own boundaries, i will always be better for it. i grew past the ego that had kept me [us] in an unfulfilled relationship + marriage, that had kept me from investing in my foundation. i grew past being worried about what others thought of me. during an espesh relevant time in my life. i grew past my ego, i grew to a place where i am enough.

and that laundry list of 'how-was-your-day-today-dear?'. it kicked my ego + my ass. it's been a long time since i felt hurt. which i just realized at 10:15 when my head + heart sank + i felt so insecure + wanted to crawl under a rock + my eyes kind of may have almost filled with tears. and not like. good. proud single mom tears. the kind that are embarassing + make your cheeks burn. i physically felt my ego creep up on me. i didn't say anything back to him. i was so embarassed + hurt by this stranger. i just didn't know what to do with it.

it sat on my shoulders through the meeting. i felt so insecure like seriously? do i look like a man? who would say that to a young-twenty-seven-year-old woman? in a dress. no less. i had already had a hurtful morning + would soonafter get pushed and drop my lunch in the food court during rush hour.

so i shook it off. i made a conscious decision to do two things:
1. go to the bathroom. look in the mirror and make sure there is nothing on my face. confirm that no. i do not look like a man. just to be sure.
2. let go of any negative energy i was holding onto since 10:15. let it go. let it go and instead, make a very deliberate choice to put out twice as much positive.

and i did. i thought about that man this morning and i sent him as much positive energy as i could muster up. because i think he needed it. probably even more than me. i sent it to my customers. to my marcus. to my fam. i covered someone's postage at the post office because they were short. i took every opp poss today to have any positive impact. i got all yogi-esque and focused on my breathing when i would think of that man's comment and feel my ego crashing my positive party.

i finished my work day with a quiet but honest smile on my face that led me to my 5:30 hot power yoga class. i walked in quietly + thankful that end of day 401 traffic didn't keep me from my mat today.

[door opens]. "wow! you look so good today! like you're going to a photo shoot! or like, a club!"

i looked up and one of the studio brogas jeff was looking straight at me with wide eyes.

me: are you talking to me?
jeff: [laughing] yea!
me: you're very kind. and very funny. and thanks.

karma is a funny thing. i'm by no means some attention hungry hippo. but after having a few excuses to grumble through my thursday + one especially hurtful insult, i chose to turn it around for myself and try to make it positive for everyone around me.

i can't help but think that energy exchange is what brought jeff's compliment back to me.

and from one 'man' to another, i did kind of need it.

i had a great class and it closed with an awesome message:
physically, our heart reminds us we are alive. emotionally, it allows us to show up.

karma is such an easy way to have a great impact on the people around you. i hope that random man felt some of the positive energy i dedicated to him during that 5:30 class. i also hope he opens up his heart + allows himself to show up the next time his ego creeps up and pushes him to insult some single-mom-stranger.

-kare
xo