[speaking of d words: d is also for disclaimer: father-fig doesn't mean i'm looking to replace my sons father. + the upcoming dud comment is not pertaining to him in any way. it was intended as a general comment not specific to our relationship at all. k thanks]
getting back on the horse [hah] is a whole different story after a failed marriage. add in the best little boy in at least my whole wide world? those are high stakes. not to mention: everyone.and.their.mom. still.to.this.day. tells me they have the.perfect. man to introduce me to who would make the.most.perfect husband and father-fig one day. like it's an action figure and i need someone to fit some mold. that's equal parts funny and super sweet; a testament to the fact that the people closest to me truly want the best for me.
the truth? it is all new. all over again. it is moving parts. it is smiling and nodding when that same everyone.and.their.mom thinks they know exactly how to do it. when to introduce the kid into the picture. when not to introduce. you get me? the truth is that no one other than me knows where my heart is these days. and no one other than me knows what my son can handle, and when. most important is just having a lot of faith and trust and protecting my own heart as well as marcus'.
do you wait to introduce someone to your kid? let them see you as a mother? i'd say yes. you wait until you have a solid foundation and a good sense of each other. you wait until you're at a point where you don't have to filter yourself as a parent. because lord knows no toddler will filter themselves on your behalf. in front of your 'brand new' boyfriend. infact. that same toddler might even walk right up to the man and say 'my mom says you are brand new.' [palm to face].
that.happened.
at the same time. do you want to wait long enough to invest a huge part of your heart into someone only to find out they don't have it in them to accept and potentially love your little one? that's a big risk right elin nordregen? she put terms on tiger that he can't intro their kids to any woman until he is engaged. i can't imagine being invested in someone without knowing how their heart might either grow for or against my child. that girl must have been one angry swede to put those terms on paper.
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| "is she talking about us?" |
another truth? it's fun[ny] to dress sexy again. i literally laugh out loud thinking of it. because the sexy is so important in a new relationship. and of course you want to look your single-mom-hawtest. but it's kind of like jumping in an awesome time machine back to when i dated BC and that makes me feel like a new woman again. with cleavage at times if you can believe it.
most important? when i first put thought towards dating again, a few people talked to me as if having a child was a disadvantage. can we be real? i have come to love myself and learn myself better than ever before in my life. i deserve the whole world. for real this time. and marcus? he deserves it more than me. i have too much to offer to settle. plus. as linny_bop knows, you only get one mulligan in marriage ;)
if you're a single parent, or just single post-divorce, or i guess single at all: here are five tips i'd give you as you suit up and dive back into the dating pool:
1. get sexy. get back to your twenty something year old self and see yourself as sexy and get it together. the way you present yourself is really proportional to how you see yourself. so if you have your shit together, then look like it.
2. don't ever see yourself as being at a disadvantage. some women wait to have their first child to find out they married a dud. having marcus means i find out early on if they would ever deserve my baby making goodness. can't handle the kid thing? move on. some men are cut out for it and some.simply.aren't. don't let that be your problem.
3. don't lose your footing. stay grounded and stay focused on your little one. a new relationship can be exciting, but nothing is more important than the energy and love you invest in your family and no man should change that. you don't want to shake their security and trust in you because you're off galavanting in the early morning hours and unable to play mom-of-the-year at your seven am. wake up call.
4. get eyelash extensions. actually. even if you're married. or just in a relationship and happy. get them once. thank me later.
5. don't take anything too seriously. when you have a kid, it's easy to get ahead of yourself with twenty questions coming from the angel and devil on your single-mom-shoulders. have huge faith + be smart, but also have huge fun + be sexy. it's hard to have a child and not think long-term in a new relationship and get overwhelmed. but it's so much better just to let things grow organically, expect nothing, and appreciate wherever it takes it's course.
and as the mega don would say in closing: use.your.common.sense.
-kare
xo
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